You have many good suggestions, OP, so I will just write my own, plus my experience when I was a new shooter.
I recommend you get the biggest handgun you can grip, because a bigger and heavier gun will be easier to shoot. I recommend 9mm caliber and a striker fired semi-automatic, because then you have the most abundant and common self defense/range/sport shooting caliber and the most common type of modern handgun.
My favorites on the roster are the H&K VP9A1F and K. They are more expensive and often out of stock, but they are excellent, require minimal maintenance, and are particularly well-built.
You should stick to the handgun roster in California for your first purchase, because it’s easier. You can choose the M&P 2.0 or Shield 2.0, both well liked by many.
The Echelon is also highly regarded, as is the PDP series. Any of these are great.
If you must go smaller, the p365 series, particularly the x-Macro, is pretty good.
I don’t recommend the Sig p320 series of guns. Though controversial, they may have a history of uncommanded discharges (the gun shoots without a trigger pull). Whether this is true or not, many gun ranges have banned them, and you cannot practice as a result.
When I first started, I wanted a smaller, reliable gun. I chose the Glock 19, which isn’t easy to get in California as of this year. It’s fantastic, and I love the platform, but I learned I much prefer bigger grips despite having medium sized hands. So don’t think that you absolutely cannot shoot a full sized handgun with smaller hands, even if it is quite intimidating at first.
A 9mm semiautomatic striker fired handgun from Glock, Heckler&Koch, Walther, Springfield, Smith&Wesson, and Sig (except their p320s) will be reliable, accurate, and likely last as long as you care to shoot it. I’m probably forgetting other major manufacturers, but I trust these the most (in no particular order).
Also, know that we are all biased. Depending on when we started (often this has to do with our age), we have certain biases. Whether or not we compete, and our comfort levels with various platforms, all color our recommendations. I learned to shoot on irons, but I absolutely put a red dot optic on every firearm I own. Aiming with irons is very different in focus (on the front sight) compared to red dots (on target). Depending on age, there are other factors at play. I may soon have trouble focusing on my front sight as my eyes age. Red dots are no problem for me. I agree with the posters who have noted that they do not have trouble with proper presentation, even when their red dot is not working. Iron sights are great as backup. But for me, they have been relegated to backup only, much like irons are back ups for me on rifles.
As for your second firearm, I recommend the Ruger 10/22, which has virtually no recoil shooting .22LR and can help you learn and gain confidence in shooting.